It's Thursday night and I'm getting ready for our weekly production meeting we started few months ago with a friend and I. As I'm cleaning the studio and organize some production equipment, some thoughts comes to my mind as look at my day and all the things I did to get here. I was telling my self - All the work it took to be where I'm now.... just to be where I'm now... I stop for few seconds as I meditated through those words.
I worked 10 years straight for a company I build from scratch, with the hope of one day soon it can pay for my pursuing dream,"Film Maker" Of course I didn't wanted to take those long ten years to the here. I never thought building a business would involve long hours of work at the office, many days at the job sites. I didn't think it was gonna be the oposite of what I called freedom. When I said freedom I mean been free to follow your dreams and spend time working tours them, freedom of pursuing the everyday work of getting closer to achieve them. What I saw was nothing but responsibilities and hard work, and more work more work. After a few years in the business I was able to join the Film school. I thought I could handle building a business and been at school at the same time. Well.. It worked, but it was exhausting. I only had time to sleep 4 to 6 hours a dad, it was my only time to rest.
I tried to work in different projects with little time I had after few years of business. I Joined the Church Production in my community. It was until one Sunday that they were looking for people. I was the first one to joined. It was a big opportunity to get involve in production which I had no experience, I knew I could learn a lot there and at the same time I knew that after many prayers to God to figure out if this real and if this is what he wanted me to keep looking forward. So his answer was there, just few weeks after been praying for this opportunity.
Little by little I started arming my self with some equipment of my own with the purpose of getting a better and get better in production work. I knew it would help more at the projects at Church. Then at some point of every project we were told to work on, and with the friends and people of church that were there to help out. I noticed it feel like it was never giving the 100% of our time work, or dedication to it, it was always a last thing project we would have to work on.
For me was a very important issue because I was doing my dream work. So I couldn't just keep rushing in every project we were told to do. They were the greatest people and friends but for them was just helping for me was my dream on the line.Many time I found my self discourage for the same situation, it was not what the loved to do. It was more a helping mood for them and a contribution for the cause. But for me was dealing with your future!
After finished School I feel like I can start my own production and do own projects and also have my business aside. Well that didn't worked out. After few years of trying to work as much profesional I could it was really hard and almost imposible, I had to spread my self in two pieces every time I was planning a production project. And then still work long hours and dealing with customers, employees and many other responsibilities. I was ready to gave up and forget about this dream I had. Sometimes right before sleep I used to encounter with my profound self, I was getting angry of having this dream and can't do something about it, my only option was to get rid of it.
Finally it was over, those thoughts of the uncertainty and discourage every night they were gone, The Fight was lost, now it was time to focus in my business and succeed there.
I started to work even more hours, I was really focus on my business and feeling happy that I build a business that can help my own family and others. We were growing on a unbelievable way. I was starting to have good life style bought a nice car I bought a second property for the business, I couldn't feel better than that. I was leaving the american dream.
One night after maybe months of been free in my mind. I was watching watching the Oscars and it was the time to announce the winner for best picture and best director was, then I heard - Alejandro Inarritu - Mexican. I was very excited for to know that it was a Mexican who won the oscar for the best director and then best picture. Then later that night I couldn't get sleep. Those thoughts came right after, the feeling of this dream came back and it came even stronger. The feeling a regret of why not pursuing it, was there - why not give it a try! I knew some friends and family thought this was a hobby or an illusion for me and I kind feel they just didn't believe my vision, or at least they weren't able to see it from me. But this time it was different, something was telling me to keep pursuing what you have left it.
I couldn't continue with it. It was either to try but this time for real or just let go again but this time forever. The inner voice kept insisting me to go and do it! The only problem was that I had to decided in either the business or my dream. It took time to make that decision, because I knew by doing that it would mean to get rid off of the same life style I just start to enjoyed.
- Close the business and then pursue my dream - I kept repeating that to my self.
Then one day after been meditating of the transition and setting up plan to take action of the transition. The company went through a rough situation and It was bad. I had two options either to put my self there to resolve and it would had take me months submerging myself in resolving the problem or just take action close it.
I remembered it was Monday morning I received some phone calls and then my assistant approached to me and she ask me what was my plan. - I'm done - I said to her. She knew perfectly my situation, my love for my dream, she even try helping me to get a lot of responsibilities out of my shoulder So I can work on my production. But it was just not possible, she knew this was coming. That day was very quite, I say good bye to this great person that helped the company for almost 5 years. It was not easy to let her go. I had depend on her for
almost everything, even my personal staff she took care of. The people that had years working with me, vendors subcontractors, they couldn't believe it. But It was not turning back.
The first day after the bomb exploded. It was 6:30am I get up and get my usual cup of coffee. I had no meetings to attend, no phone calls. It felt just like a 1000 pounds went out of my shoulders. It felt very quite morning, and very uncertain of what would be next.
Thursday morning and my coffee still hot, I can't stop looking outside the window as I keep meditating.
- 10 years to get here. Wow - What a journey, - Now you're leaving the dream you always wanted to!
Thanks guys for one more blog post.
This was part of my real story, Hope you enjoyed
PS. Keep forgetting me about my grammar.